Don’t Invite Them: Who Not to Put on Your Wedding Guest List (and Who Absolutely Should Be There)
Guest lists shouldn’t cause dread — but for many couples, this is when the pressure kicks in. Suddenly it’s not just your day; it’s everyone else’s opinions, obligations, and long-lost cousins creeping in.
Let’s cut through the guilt. Here’s how to create a guest list that reflects your vision, values, and budget — with plenty of permission to leave some people off.
How many guests is too many?
Let’s be honest: the sweet spot is usually somewhere between 70–130 guests.
That’s big enough to include the people who matter — and small enough that you’ll still know and love every face in the room. Unless you genuinely have a massive, close-knit family, anything above 150 often means inviting people out of obligation, not joy.
A wedding should feel like a gathering of people who are there to love you. That feeling can’t be captured on Pinterest — but it’s the most important part of your day.
Who not to invite to your wedding
Here’s a simple list of people who usually don’t belong on your guest list:
Anyone you haven’t spoken to in 3+ years
Friends of your parents you don’t know
Family members you don’t like or trust
People you wouldn’t be excited to see walk through your front door
This isn’t rude — it’s honest. And most of the time, they won’t be excited to attend either. Irish weddings, in particular, can fall into the trap of inviting everyone you’ve ever known — but that tradition is long overdue a refresh.
A real-life example to set you free
A few years ago, I was visiting friends’ parents when they received their eighth wedding invitation that year. Instead of excitement, they looked genuinely defeated. Out of those eight weddings, they personally knew only one couple.
The rest? Distant friends’ children, obligatory invites from ex-colleagues, weddings they were attending out of guilt or politeness — not love.
The result: strangers at weddings, guests who didn’t want to be there, and no one leaving more connected. The only possible “win” was a financial gift — and if that’s your motivation, I’m the wrong person to advise you.
This is your permission to let go of people-pleasing.
💬 Read next: How to Set a Realistic Wedding Budget in Ireland
Should you invite kids?
It’s your wedding. You can do what you want.
If you have children of your own, or are very close to nieces and nephews, include them — and maybe hire a babysitter so the parents can relax. But if you don’t have children in your life and want a more grown-up atmosphere, an adults-only wedding is absolutely fine.
Before deciding, think about your most important guests — will they be able (or willing) to attend without their children? I wouldn’t have been able to leave my daughter when she was small. Now that she’s older? We love a no-kids wedding.
It all comes down to clear communication and flexibility where it matters.
Should you offer a plus one?
Here’s a simple guideline:
If you know the partner and they’ve been together 6+ months → invite them.
If your guest won’t know anyone else at the wedding → offer a plus one.
Otherwise? There’s no pressure — plus-ones aren’t required.
You don’t need strangers or exes in your wedding photos for the next 30 years.
Use a tiered guest list system
Once you’ve cleared the unnecessary invites, list everyone you do want there — then divide that list into three clear tiers:
Tier 1 – Non-Negotiables
Your inner circle — the people whose presence is essential.
→ Parents, grandparents, siblings, closest friends, close extended family.
Tier 2 – People You’re Fond Of
Guests who matter, even if you're not in frequent contact.
→ Friends from different life stages, cousins you grew up with.
Tier 3 – Nice-to-Haves
People you genuinely like, but don’t feel deeply connected to.
→ Work colleagues, distant relatives, your parents’ friends.
If your budget tightens or your venue has a cap, you’ll know exactly where to trim. You can even send invitations in waves — if someone in Tier 1 declines, move to Tier 2, and then to Tier 2.
Final thought
Your wedding should feel like a room full of people who love you — not a networking event.
Say yes to the guests who will beam with happiness when they get your invite. Say no to anyone who makes you pause and think, ugh, do we really have to?
You don’t. And your wedding will be better for it.
💬 Related post: How to Narrow Down the Right Wedding Venue (Without Overwhelm)